I was asked to share some kink articles in a group and realized all I had been talking about was pleasure and sex. Shame on me. Kink is life. I literally have shirts that say "Black in Kink" and "Queer in Kink" (shameless plug to go on my site and check them out). We need kink in our lives. Kink is fundamental to your wellness. Yes, you heard me.
I'm going to ask you a question now. However, by the end of this blog post, you'll be able to answer or maybe you can answer now!
What is Your Kink and how do you best get your kinks met?
Kink in human sexuality, is the use of non-conventional sexual practices, concepts, or fantasies. The term derives from the idea of a "bend" in one's sexual behavior. To contrast such behavior with "straight" or "vanilla" sexual mores and proclivities. Here is a non-exhaustive list of kinks to ponder:
Threesomes or multiple-partner sex
Novel positions (cowgirl, doggy style, spooning,
Toys (vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, etc.)
Props (handcuffs, feathers, candles, swings, cushions,
food, ice, etc.)
Fetishes (feet, lingerie, pantyhose, gloves, boots, etc.)
Whew, that was exciting. Did you get aroused? I did. Maybe you got uncomfortable. That's ok! The matrix is real and most are programmed in a vanilla way to judge the nonconventional (I.e. good shit).
I mean I was gonna keep this on the mild end but fuck it. We are here now! Let me throw in some basic BDSM Accessories for the kinks we talking about.
I know we haven't gone into BDSM. And honestly, we won't in this article. Google those words but come back here in a week or so and my BDSM article will be ready for you! Baby grab your panties or boxers cause that's gonna go hard! But here's my quick list:
Bed and door Restraints
Candles/Ice for Sensory deprivation
Ball Gags and/or Wand
We have to quickly go into the boring part but most important part before we answer your question. Kink is always and I mean always about the practice of Consent, boundaries, and Safe Words before fun! So communication is Key
Kink Communication Tip # 1: Ask, Compromise, and Consent.
Introduce your kinky idea to your partner. Before you say that this is something you have your heart set on doing, ask if your partner would be open to it. If they say yes, then great; you have reached a point of consent. If they say no, express your desire to try this and ask if they would be willing to find a middle ground or try something similar. Make sure you come to a consensus (consent is key!).
Kink Communication Tip # 2: Role Play Before You Role Play
Before you and your partner engage in kink, take five minutes to talk out the whole scene. Imagine you’re planning a bank robbery: The details matter. Get crystal clear and agree on as much as you possibly can. Assign safe words. Talk about what is and is not acceptable. Talk about where, when, and how it will go down. As time goes on, certain things will be understood and they won’t need prior discussion; but in the beginning, pre-conversation is essential.
Kink Communication Tip # 3: Debrief
How did both of you enjoy that? Would you want to do it again? What was working and not working for you? It is these conversations – not the sexual act itself – that bring you and your partner closer together and establish deeper trust & safety. The debrief is pivotal for normalizing the kink experience, making sure you and your partner feel respected and appreciated, and charting a safe & enjoyable path forward.
Ok, now we are ready to answer the question!
What is Your Kink? How do you best get your kinks met? You have kinks, instruments, language, and concepts to get to that orgasm! All you have to do now is to tell your partner what it is and have fun!