The Truth about Sex, Stress, and the Couch and Why Intimacy Can’t Wait

kreszentia Snyder
Apr 22
3 min read

Let’s be real: between the kids, the deadlines, and the dishes, sex often becomes the last thing on the to-do list. But intimacy isn’t just a bonus feature of your relationship; it’s the glue that keeps you connected when life gets chaotic. If you’re feeling distant, frustrated, or just plain tired, this article is your wake-up call to prioritize pleasure and reclaim your connection.

Every week, couples walk into my office and say things like:

“We had sex once this month.”
“We had sex a couple of months ago.”
“I just masturbate; they never reach out.”
“The kids wear us out by bedtime.”
“I wanted more, but they didn’t seem into it.”

The stories vary, but the message is the same: Sex feels like a struggle.

And I get it. Life is overwhelming. But can I be honest?

Let’s talk facts

I’m a single mom.
A businesswoman.
I work multiple contracts, supervise others, and do therapy all day.
I’m a friend, daughter, and granddaughter.
I’m tackling a second doctorate and making time for my hobbies.

And guess what? Sex is still a priority.

Your relationship needs intimacy

Let’s not sugarcoat it: your relationship needs sex.

Your partner needs affection, connection, and intimacy.

I could spend hours talking about how stress, kids, work, and life get in the way.

But let’s skip straight to the good stuff:

1. Reignite the fun

Sometimes, couples avoid sex so long that they forget how to start. Here’s a simple way to begin:

Reminisce about the funniest, wildest, or most memorable sexual experiences you’ve had together.
Talk about it all day. Text about it. Flirt.
Download the free Gottman Card Decks app and use the intimacy questions to reconnect and laugh.

Remember when y’all couldn’t keep your hands off each other? That energy is still in there. You just have to wake it up.

2. Kiss, kiss, kiss

I’m talking:

Morning breath kisses.
Garlic breath kisses.
Middle-of-the-living-room kisses.

Start kissing every day. Devote 15-20 minutes to just kissing.

Why?

Kissing activates all your senses. It boosts attachment hormones, reduces stress, and increases sexual desire, especially for men, whose saliva contains testosterone (yes, really).

Where it leads? Who knows. But it’s a damn good start.

3. Explore new things together

Curiosity can spark desire. Try this:

Google a new sex tip or read a sensual article.
Watch a steamy show (yes, Netflix is kinda soft porn now).
Read books like Sex Matters for Women, which has practical chapters for couples.
Browse Amazon for sex games or conversation starters.
Explore kinks, fantasies, or fetishes you’ve never discussed.

You don’t need to be an expert. Just be open.

4. Learn to initiate again

Initiating sex can feel vulnerable, especially if it’s been met with rejection in the past. But don’t give up.

Make it creative. Make it funny. Make it bold. Try:

A note under their pillow
A random sext mid-day
A playful dare

Start small. Be brave. Make initiation less about performance and more about connection.

5. Affection + affirmation = desire

Sex doesn’t start in the bedroom; it starts when someone feels seen.

Compliment them genuinely (and often).
Say thank you for the small stuff.
Keep yourself feeling good too grooming, fresh clothes, your favorite scent.
Show up with intention, not just routine.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about effort.

6. Reduce stress together

Stress is a major libido killer. Support each other’s stress-reduction rituals:

Meditation
Exercise
Journaling
Walks
Gardening
Laughter

A calm, happy partner is a more open, receptive, and connected one.

Help each other feel good outside the bedroom, too.

And if it’s still not working

If you’ve tried and the spark still isn’t there, don’t panic.

There may be deeper emotional or relational issues at play.

Therapy can help. You don’t have to navigate intimacy struggles alone. Email me! I'll help you

Final words

May your nights get shorter, your kisses get longer, and your connection get deeper.

Now go get on that couch; you’ve got some catching up to do. And it's ok to schedule time with a sex therapist. We are here waiting to make that couch steamy!

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info!

Read more from Dr. Kreszentia Ashford